Take it All Back

To The Man In The Moon  - 

I think I would like to take it back. I have very little regrets in life but the times I opened up..and got only silence..  no response.. nothing back...yeah. I think I would like to take it back. 

I'm trying. But it feels so much like I am failing. I am not stupid. I'm not some emotional idiot who doesn't see the truth. I'm just the idiot that keeps wanting to believe and trust in the people I love. 

I am not gonna make people be anyone or anything they don't want to be. I have loved everyone for who they are. Assholes. Selfish jerks and fuckers. I never made anyone pretend to be any more or less than what they are. And I loved them all for it. 

So why is it so important I pretend for them?

Pretend to be ok. Pretend that it's enough. Pretend that my pain, my damage, my dreams and needs are less than anyone else's. 

I remember mom telling me that I do enough, let someone else do for me. But what do you do when no one steps up for you mom? 

What do you do when your trying and trying and ... it's never enough?

I'm too emotional, too damaged, too worried, too friendly, too compassionate, too talkative, too quiet, too scared, too impulsive, too little and somehow always too much? All I hear is all the ways I fuck things up while I am doing nothing but trying to be worth it...just good enough. 

Whatever it was...whatever I fucked up by trying too hard or sharing too much...I'd like to take it back.