Letters To The Man in The Moon

Maybe love isn't a lifetime.  Maybe it's a moment, a week, a shared glimmer in time. Love is so many things. It makes me sad that the good times are tainted and cloudy. I want the bright brilliance that will burn those shadows away. I dont mind the darker days when I can look at the person next to me and look beyond what ails.  Part of love is my mother. Being able to look at her even during the worst of times and having her to laugh cry with because it's bad and I knew she was in the thick of it with me. Maybe that's it. Maybe I can be that for Liam. I want him to know love to be that. I just wish I wasn't failing so hard at so much that I could be stronger and better for him.  I'm a mess of a person. I couldn't be more confused and lost.  I had an idea a dream an illusion until I didn't 

It's tricky. Trying to self realize and not self sabotage. It's been over a year that we have physically been together and I realized that as we are reaching the 2 years of what I considered being together that it's not that way for him because of how long he muddled the relationship he actually had with Ashley.  I'm seeing how many days we are in different mindsets about things and it bothers me. I feel alone. Alone in a lot of things I feel like I shouldn't. And I feel partially responsible since I can't just suddenly not be still married evem though it's completely over for me. The more he focuses on Dustin being the problem the more I feel like it's us.