Letters To The Man in The Moon

To The Man In The Moon  -  Why did I ever stop trying to talk to you and mom? Whether it was to share something good or bad. I need to keep talking. I need to let all of this out somewhere.All the times I have spent wishing I had someone ai could be real with. How many years? And somehow I am still wishing. I need someone true l. Someone who has only love in their heart for me. Someone I can actually talk to, who listens when my brain is so full of worries and doubts. So many worries and so many doubts.  I've always felt alone. Stuck in my head. I miss being heard. I miss being valued. I miss being important and how I feel being important to someone. I miss being loved. I am alone in this world. Even the people who promised to love me and be there for me to whatever end, lie. I just wish I could talk to mom, you. No matter how old I get, it always comes back to being with out you two. Now I am worried and scared not only for myself but for Liam. Hes been injuring himself ...

To The Man In The Moon  - Listening to: Pieces of Me  Play list of songs that mark certain points in my life. The soundtrack to my soul. The good the bad and the ugly parts  https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6vBxCbea495u58f0EilapY?si=WGXLSUQQQIW-YdrBetFTqw&pi=norU5UhKSVu6T Today has been not a good day. I am ill. Its not news to anyone. Its definitely not different than any other times I am not feeling well. Stress, anxiety, cramps, nausea, pain. Good God the pain. And once again any good day or moments are swept away by the anxiety, nausea and pain. I never get answers. I have none to give. Just pain, and tears, more laundry because I have to shower 6 times a day, I cant stay hydrated. This is my life. This is what I have to offer.  So I guess I get it. Who wants to talk to me when I am like this? When this is what I am. I am not healthy. I am not someone to make plans with. I am not the one to build a life with. Sometimes it feels as if I am already gone. Or mo...

To The Man In The Moon -  I have had my meeting with my therapist. No notes this time. Im guessing this wasn't where she was hoping this session would go given that I had to discuss what was going on with me and Matt.  So much for trying to get some mental health support to keep me from getting sick again. Honestly I think I am already getting to a bad place with my bowels. Stress doesn't help anything and how the man I love cheating on me with all these women doesn't make me or my stomach any less stressed.  I am worried about him. I cant help feeling like my health and me not being able to put forth the effort with our sexual and romantic relationship got us into this in the first place and now its going to die all over again.  I keep feeling like I float off into despair and lose contact with my life when I am having these everyday moments with him. This entire year has been a million little lies that have severed my heart strings that were so intertwined with his...

To The Man In The Moon - I have never thought the struggles in life ever end, so don't get things twisted. I haven't written for a very long time. Maybe its because I had someone who I was able to let the words flow from my mouth instead of hiding them in sheets of lined paper bound into one of the many beautiful 1/100th filled journals or on an equally antiquated Blog. *Shock face* Things weren't easy but it was a life together full of raising Liam, cooking dinners together, laundry (soo much laundry), bills, work, and hospitals and Dr's visits of course. I was happy. We were happy. Always trying to do more and get more done. We failed at so many things , but we failed together and we kept trying. But somewhere things started to fall apart. I just wasn't informed. I guess I was supposed to read inbetween the lines that were lies born from his lips. I am sorry. It was over a year....with many sprinkled here and there and which followeda shopping spree that cost us s...