Letters To The Man in The Moon

To The Man In The Moon - Writing more for myself and to get some things off my chest. I'm tired. I'm tired of waiting to feel better. Tired of doubting myself and how I feel. I don't expect anything to be perfect. Fuck I don't even know what perfect is. I'm tired of wanting. Wanting to feel better, and to be better. Every feeling and thought I am fighting myself. Wanting help or a break feels selfish or like I am trying to be a martyr. But I dont want sympathy I want effort and reciprocation. Why does that feel like I'm asking for too much? Something he said to me a lot lately... He can't be cute? He can't top me. What does that mean?  I try my God damn hardest to consider everyone and their feelings and I feel like I am constantly told and shown that consideration and reciprocal effort is too much. By loving him and everyone am I hurting myself?  Am I overly caring? Do I love too much?  I dont know what to do. If I stop being affectionate and loving the...