Letters To The Man in The Moon

 To The Man In The Moon -  Thanksgiving used to be one of my favorite holidays. Growing up with my family gathering, football in grandmas backyard, fighting with the cousins, and being taught how to hold my own with the boys. My moms stuffing and German Potato Salad. Driving around the plaza to see the lights and the luminaries in the Volker neighborhood. Traditions and family.  I tried my best to carry all those important things into my marriage and provide them for the child. I spent years fighting him to do anything for our family. Every holiday was another disappointment, another fight. Just like every other day.  Yesterday I got to take a little bit of that power back.  I struggled but for a different reason.  I think I am head over heels in love with a man that is gonna break my heart.  He could be not just my sun but he could be my man in the moon. I want to share everything with this man. Trouble is I struggle with his indecisiveness. Or maybe ...

 To The Man In The Moon - Sheryl Crow “Strong Enough”  I have often questioned my strength. Yet somehow I am still here. Like there is some other option if you decide you can’t handle it. You just keep pushing through. One foot in front of the other as one of my favorite songs says. It’s not because of motivation at this point, it’s a means of survival.  There are so many things I don’t have control over. Things that I know I used to be able to handle and adjust and compensate for. Now I am just old. I am too tired to compensate for whatever is lacking in my life. I am tired of just putting one foot in front of the other trying to survive with my head down and survive with as little as possible.  I want it all. I want the friend I can talk to about anything, the one who means so much more. The guy who knows me. Who cares about what I am feeling and why. The one who knows when I need that extra reassurance and provides it.  I have spent so long trying to make som...

To The Man In The Moon -  He’s got a way, of giving me hope and making me smile. He’s got this easy comfortability with communication that makes me feel like he could be my best friend. He’s got the eyes I could spend eternity lost in and a smile that brightens every dark place. It could be as easy as breathing in and out. He gives me shit and makes think I am worth one. He could be everything.  But It’s the things that can’t be done and the things we can’t say. It’s the distance. It’s the unknown. It’s the fact he won’t let go of the past to be mine. It’s the unspoken rules. It’s being alone and too scared to talk to the person you care so much about how you’re feeling.  I almost broke it already.  Just with being insecure. And I believe that things can move slower. But I see these cracks, the stress fractures in our communication and in the conversations sometimes and I get scared. The questions I ask that go unanswered. The frustration when I have a problem. I fin...