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To The Man In The Moon- 
being told I am special and wonderful doesn't mean anything to me anymore.
What good does it do me to love people who don't seem to care how I feel?
What I need just for 5 minutes is to not be fighting to be loved. I just want to feel loved back. 
It's hard not to be angry anymore. 
I am always the one who has to sacrifice the way I feel or think to make things easier.. I don't want to be nice and patient anymore.  I don't want to always be the one who is understanding. 
I dont want to wonder when I get to be loved like I deserve to be loved anymore. 
I always do what they ask. I always bend. I always make it okay. But I'm not okay and no one seems to notice or care. Because it's always about how I can love someone else. The ways I love them. The ways I surrender and give love to them to make them happy. 
I thought .. I guess I really don't know anymore. 
One thing I know and I feel and I can't seem to say is if it's so hard to just be honest..so hard to even be a person in his world..how can it ever be real that he will leave all that he has to come here? It hurts. Because it's not real. It's never going to feel real because I am the dream. I am what could be but never will be. I'm going to be the something that could have been. Because you dont hide the best thing in your life. You can't pretend something you love and care about enough to start a life with isn't important and special to you. You don't start a life with someone and not include them. Everything I do is about what he and I want to have and do. And well... he talks about someday. I am such a fool. 


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