Letters To The Man in The Moon

Seven years bad luck seems sixteen years too late, Broken with the tide of my innocence washing away, I can’t remember what the weather was like, But I know my teardrops fell like rain. I don’t remember exactly how bad it hurt, But I can still feel the pain. Waking up on the living room floor, I was suddenly aware, The dreaded silence of a full house. The tables clean of the breakfast dishes, The toys had vanished everywhere,. I called out until a whisper was found. My innocence pulling me away From my Grandmother’s bedroom door, But my Mother’s broken voice crying out Was impossible to ignore. The pea green room that had made me ill Was more appealing than my Mother’s face. Her once young and vibrant smile had faded away, Like my Father’s heart I soon found out Had earlier that day. Wrapped in an armful of hugs, But my heart felt devoid of love. My Father’s once stern words I was scared to hear, Were suddenly memories that fell from tears. Like waking up to a bad dream, Or watching it...

To The Man In The Moon Dear Dad, Well you know what they say about the best laid plans… Yesterday Liam was an angel. He slept well and woke up each time like a little cherub. Over night he slept while I reminisced, got all misty, and blogged. It started thunder-storming around 5:30 a.m. and I just wanted to go sit in the middle of it. But being a parent means trying to keep your head on your shoulders and your feet planted firmly on the ground, so I stood in the middle of the front door, staring. This morning came and went with everyone sleeping in. Who could resist the rain? Mom was bone tired and her muscles sore. She is still trying to bounce back from this last round of radiation. Her butt is still extremely sore and she constantly needs her pain meds. I wonder if the pain will ever get better for her. I am going to go with her to her next appointment to try and see what the real outlook and plan is. I mean, if we are talking “end of life” treatment, we need to better at m...

To My Man in the Moon Dear Dad, You know I hate today. Earth Day.  Every year it feels like it mocks me and my pain as if to say Ashes to Ashes, Dust to Dust, Your father was given to the Earth. I have hated it. I have loathed it. And now I am trying to be a "big girl" and turn this day into something I can celebrate and share with my son. Okay, I'm crying. At some point I probably should have seen a counselor to deal with my grief. I know, I know, it's never too late. Perhaps someday I will. I hope when I need it, I have the strength to do it. For now I will try and deal with my pain and sorrow the best way I know how...Your looking at it! lol  Twenty One years ago? I feel pretty old. I feel really old. And broken. Yep. I am still broken. Ha ha ha. They lie when they say that it gets better. It never gets better, it just changes. It morphs through the years and creeps into every aspect of your life. It gets spread out, rather than this concentrated thick black...

To My Man in the Moon Dear Dad, Sometimes it's hard to believe how much time has pass. I think given everything you knew about stuff, I can't imagine how much you would love the way technology has advanced just since you have been gone. I wonder if you would be on Facebook. Lol. I found Ron Boltz and his daughter Carrie on Facebook today. It's funny how people may age but still look the same. I feel I never forget a face though, so that probably works in my favor. Carrie is married. As is Aaron whom has 2 kids. It's so amazing. We are going to try and get together with them soon. Mom was the most excited. I think she is most excited to share her memories of you. When I am the only one to reminisce with her, and I only remember so much, I think it is slightly disappointing to her...well not really but you understand what I mean. I think she will be ecstatic to relive some other memories with other people. I know I am excited to hear some of the stories. Speaking o...

To My Man in the Moon Dear Dad, Things are so effing complicated. I am so sleep deprived at this point, that rational thought is a luxury. I find myself ready to fly off the handle at any moment. My husband, Dustin and I are having marital issues that are further complicated by the fact that we are having parenting issues, and I am completely out of ideas as to what more I can do. You and mom are amazingly hard to live up to as parents. lol It seems too much to ask for my poor baby to have two parents that love each other and get along. It's heart wrenching. I have such high hopes for this little boy. There is so much I feel like he is going to miss out on. Dustin has a problem, well multiple problems, but the first and foremost is that he doesn't stay awake and take care of Liam. He has some sort of an emotional block or something but he didn't talk to Liam for the longest time and even now its not a lot. He doesn't know how to comfort him, he doesn't wake up a...