I give

Whatever it is, you got it. 
I'll be the fool and take the fall. 
I'll smile politely while falling apart because for some reason I'm the bad guy when I say it hurts. 
I'll hold on while the water quickly rises.
I'll take the weight and let it anchor me to the way I feel.  The pain, the guilt and the blame for the way I feel. 
It's mine alone after all. 
I have begged. I have cried. I have prayed and I have fought. What's left but to surrender?
I dont want to beg to be considered. I dont want to remind anyone that I am here. That I am something to be fought for and won not an option or another way.
I have lost a lot in my life...but I have gave up and walked away from things too. 

It's saddest that I just want someone that will first show up. 

Sadly I am always going to be that person. The one they all say they want and love. The one they decide once they have a chance with me that I'm not worth the trouble of having. I can give them all the things they believe they want. Love. Support. Someone to laugh with. Someone to walk beside them. To believe in them. To listen. To care. And fight for them. But the second I need something real...something other than words.. well we know how this story ends. 
I fear that it's me that's making the mistake.. I falling and loving with all that I am. I give it all too freely. I trusted my heart before I took the time to let the reality sink in.. and I just keep hoping he doesn't break me.. forgetting I can l
protect myself. That maybe I need to.. he doesn't make promises so why do I? Haven't I realized yet that nothing including love should be given so freely..
Cause the cost for me is...what's breaking me.

I can smile.
I can survive losing him.  If need be.
Hes the dream but only if he chooses to be.
He has the power and he can lie to me
But I can choose whether not to believe
I may be weak but I am better than playing games. I can always choose to just love me if need be.





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