prayers

To The Man In The Moon  - 
Watched dream a little dream and then Love the Coopers. I think i might have seen it before. Tonight I just broke down. There was just this very Christmasy moment that made me think of the magic the holidays brought. I wonder if mom knew how much they meant to me. Or Grandma.Did any of them feel like I do? Because somehow they managed to make it so magical every year. I hope they felt how much this meant. I wish or I hope that they did. I wish I had an ounce of their magic. I watched and loved  every little thing that they did. Every little special moment. I just soaked it up in my heart. I miss it and them so much it hurts. I watched but I obviously never learned. 
I wish I had taken notes from them on so much more important things. Maybe if I had been brave enough to ask them the hard questions and their stories. I know my mother shared so many stories and memories that I also just soaked up. I carry so many beautiful stories she gave me. Its one of the greatest gifts shes ever given me. 
I wish I had anything so wonderful to give. Its hard. I wish I could have given such wonderful gifts to my son. Im scared because everything I have given him pales in comparison to the gifts I have received. He deserves the entire world and then some. I just pray and pray and pray for him. For all these people I love.  

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