always last

To The Man In The Moon  -
Of all the things I thought I could do, could be. All of the things I hqave dreamt and wanted. 
Still wanting to be loved...fuck I really thought it wouldn't be this difficult to love me.
Words always words. About all I am and have to offer. How special and wonderful I make people feel. How cherished and valued I can make them feel by loving them. 
And I am still always the last....
Person remembered
Thought
In Line
Person they lose

No amount of therapy where I have had the same conversations about how hard I have tried. How much I have given. And all to be forgotten and used. Ignored. Betrayed. Left. 

I have gotten so tired of trying so fucking hard to just count. Be valued. I wanting to be seen and appreciated. I want to be loved. Fuck. I dont understand sometimes what I am doing wrong.

I really need you Dad. I really need Mom. 
I miss having someone to love me without limits or rules. 

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