My Missing Peace

 To The Man In The Moon -

I am missing mom. I am so used to missing you. Missing her is another thing entirely. Obviously I miss you both. Dearly. I am so alone in this world. I have no family that is real and cared. I have no one but my son who depends on me. All love and support has long passed away. I thought missing the two of you is the worst missing could be.But again, missing him is a different thing entirely. 

Feeling like I am sitting on this time bomb that could off at any minute. That it’s all going to end. Crashing down on me. 

The potential that we have to be happy and to build a life together is blinding. But the hesitation from him. Is enough to make me break. He changes his mind like a light switch off and on. And back on and off again. I love that he thinks and is intelligent and charming and all the other reasons I love him. 

He is my missing peace. My comfort. The man I would like to spend forever getting to know and laughing with. 

But am I his missing peace? 

I want him to hear me. I want him to care. When I am feeling like I am losing hope I want his eyes there to reassure me. I want very simply to be loved by this man. And for him to let me love him...

No more rules and no more games. 

I am far too tired of playing by someone else’s rules while I feel like the stupid emotional girl. While I feel not good enough. Cause I am damn it. I am good enough. 

I am falling asleep trying to type this. Dad, who do I turn to? What can I trust? 

Love Me.

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