2 days 18 hr & Counting

Letters To The Man in The Moon - 

Wishing and praying for something so hard is something I was certain I had gotten to old to do. To have something come true seems almost unbelievable. 

I had a dream last night, that while I can now barely remember any details the fact of the matter was we were together. It wasn’t this amazing crazy dream it was as easy as everyday. It was peaceful and calming and something I never expected to wake up wanting more. 

I know I am a dreamer. It’s a reason I love reading so much. My imagination has saved me during my darkest of hours. I remember so clearly a dream I had while I was alone in so much pain. Being in a car with you dad, driving to Bull Shoals, AR. Music blaring as we flew down the highway driving past Heartburn Harry’s a place I couldn’t remember for the life of me before this dream. I was delirious from lack of sleep and pain but I found a piece of my childhood I had long forgotten and it gave me hope. 

Hope has been so hard to come by the last...too many years. Dustin is a good man but he struggled and has not been there for me. I knew my hope was fading and I got used to living without it. There is a lot I have grown used to living without. Sometimes I get scared that Matt who is also a good decent man also doesn’t care for me. I believe in him. I see him struggle and I want to be the person to help him through the struggles and the indecision’s. It’s hard to see someone with so much potential and heart hurt. I have watched Dustin and tried my best to help him, but it became more than I could do when he doesn’t help himself. 

I have gotten used to giving so much of myself, and having nothing left for me. I know that Matt could be the person who loves and appreciates what I have to give. And be willing to give himself back. 

I suppose it’s natural after being neglected and mistreated for so long to come to expect it. I just keep holding onto the hope Matt gives me. The hope that there is happiness coming. 

Right now my happiness countdown is coming and while there is a piece of me anxious and wild. There is also this peace within me that I cannot explain. 

I am so tired. I love you Dad. 

The Twinkle in Your Eye

💙

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