insecurities

To The Man In The Moon  -
Sometimes I feel like I am warring with myself.
With Dustin I feel like I made a lot of mistakes. As we talk about the things to come we have talked a lot about how different our relationship has become through the years. And I see a lot of things that I did or didn't do or allowed that kind of brought us to where we are now. 
It's made me insecure about how I feel and the way I am with Matt. I have learned a lot through the years with trying to make things work. Dustin may not have been able or willing to try to make things work. But with Matt things are different. And in ways I am only now beginning to understand. I just worry that he's going to find he doesn't love me as much as he thinks he does. When he is here with me. That he will feel this was a mistake. Loving someone like I love him, I want him to be happy. Even if it isn't me who makes him happy. 
He tells me all the time what he doesn't like and hates. What he can't stand. What bothers him. And I hear him. I also hear all the ways I can fail him. I know that I am not perfect and neither is he. I know we will find things we can't agree on or disagree about. I don't want to agree with everything. I just get really worried that if I am different than what he has pictured in his head, this is all going to come crashing down around me. 
I want to have the chance. To love him and be loved by him. To be the reason a smile comes across his face. To be the person he wants by his side. But I know we haven't been with each other. We haven't dealt with life and it's everyday problems together. 
I'm just feeling really insecure. 
What if he prefers the comfort of his life with Ashley?
He made a comment today about Ashley having an opinion on us getting a dog and it kind of stopped me in my tracks. I asked but he never answered when I questioned it. 
What other people think and want is still an issue with what we are doing? 
But it shouldn't matter. I mean if it's our lives, why worry about what others think.? But I am needy. And I am an overthinker. And I worry too much. Will I always be this way? Cause all these things i am hearing are all the ways I'm going to be a problem. And nothing should make me worry...sure yep uh huh. 

I know I love him. I know I am flying to move him here and to have the amazing road trip we talked about. I know that I have saved and fought and tried my best to save every little bit of money for gas, the truck, the trailer, hotels and food. I know that I will have given him and us everything I could and tried my best to make this happen. And yes I am worried. 
I'm worried because I am scared that if I couldn't do all this..if I wasnt ... I dont know needy and whatever would it be happening very? Would it eventually happen when Ashley didn't need him anymore and bought a house or would it have ever happened? 
I know how careful he is with everyone else's feelings. I know that as much as he says it's fine, we have different definitions of fine and it scares me. 
Am I going to be what makes him happy? 
Am I ruining his life? 
I try really hard. And it made Dustin try less..then not at all. I get triggered by these things and I get scared that I am going to want and need more than Matt can or is able to give. And that he too will find I am not worth all of this..

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