failing the ones you love

To The Man In The Moon  - 
How many times can you love people with everything you have and fail them? I know that I am not bad..or good I am just me. I know that I don't have all the answers or even a fraction. I pray to be better. I try to be honest and compassionate and loving. I want to be there for the people I love. I want to be strong and helpful and do everything I can, to fight for them and what they want their dreams and help them get through their fears.  
No one has done that for me. No one has had my back. In my times of need I prayed to God to give me strength, to hold my hand. No one should feel alone in this world when the deck is stacked against them. 
When someone looks at you and sees all the hurt you bottle up and just wants to help unbidden yourself..after so much it almost breaks you. 
I am trying to smile. I am supposed to be happy but instead my happiness and dreams are being called into question and it's making me scared and fearful. What if everything I have hoped and worked and prayed for isnt real? 
I'm having a hard time and he isn't talking to me. 
I'm struggling to feel like the person he wants to be with when he won't talk to me and just be honest. 

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