Family

 To The Man in The Moon - 

I don’t even know where to begin. I took my time trying to figure out exactly what to say and how I feel. I have reacted and acted out of emotions and hurt and I have then sat with the things that have happened and I did my best to talk to those still close to me. 

New Years and Matt finally getting to come here to KC was wonderful. There is no doubt that I am in love with this man. It snowed Friday so the trip was not without hiccups but inspite of them we had a wonderful time together. I enjoyed being able to share my life with him even if it was for just a moment. He and Dustin seemed to get along and Liam really liked him and keeps asking me when he is going to come back. Getting to know what everyday would look like with him was a gift beyond measure. I hope I get to see his life as well one day. Long distance isn’t easy but not knowing when we will see each other and how we will be together is our biggest issue. Also his flight home or rather to Vegas was horrible. But he made it home safely.

There is a lot more to unpack there but there is so much more after that. I had a Drs appointment and got my flu shot. And while there I received a text message from my friend who said she slept with Dustin on New Years. I wasn’t upset at first. I mean the shock value alone kind of took me by surprise. The thing that upset me initially was that this woman had questioned my intentions and my actions after knowing so much about everything. She treated me like I was a horrible person hurting my family and being a bad person. I have been extremely honest and straightforward with Dustin. I mean this not been easy, from the beginning. I struggled with knowing the right things to do as I believe anyone in this situation would. But I have been honest. I think it is the only thing that has kept Dustin and I from fighting and imploding. No matter what my flaws and mistakes, being honest and trying my best to honor our love and our family has been the most important thing to me. And I hope Dustin above all understand s that. Matt and Liam as well. Sadly it got worse. She told him to leave me and divorce me because I am manipulative. Said to make sure I did t run off with Liam to Washington. For the life of me I do not understand. I mean I would never want Liam away from Dustin or Dustin away from Liam. And it’s not as if Dustin and I hadn’t talked about this at length before. I have always told him that if things got bad he could go to his moms, that way he was still close. The only time I have ever told him I would go anywhere else it was my sisters and that was what would happen if I had to leave. Not that I ever wanted to. Who and what kind of person says something so horrible about someone who was their friend, who claims to care about Dustin, Liam or me? I do not for the life of me understand what would make someone act, behave or say such things. I never once thought ill of this woman even when she didn’t agree with what I was doing or what she was. I just do not get it. Dustin and I have talked and are working to get through this as a team and as a family because it is what we will forever be. At the end of the day Dustin is my family and always will be. It hurts that someone would want to destroy or damage that. But all I can do is continue to be honest and do my best to move forward. 

I would never begrudge someone else’s happiness. Especially Dustins. No matter what happens with Matt and I or someone else, Dustin will always be important to me. I will always love him. No matter what anyone else may think or believe. We deserve to be happy and Liam does too. As long as we can stay focused on that being the end game nothing else should matter. 

Love is not an easy thing. We do stupid and irrational things in the name of love. But I truly feel and believe that real love helps us to see through and around these things and helps humble us and can survive these idiotic things we do. Or at least to God I pray it will.

One foot in front of the other. We try and do what is best for those we love. Even when we do ugly things. 

I love you Dad. I love you Mom. I hope you are watching down and can say you are proud of me even when I stumble. 

All my love.

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