Wrapped 2025

To The Man In The Moon -
Its not the complete list, but I think you get the picture. We got it a few days ago. Spotify burns it all down for you, right to the nitty gritty. 
I am trying. I am able to say we need to talk. I am even able to try desperately to hear him and I try to ask questions to help me clarify, i try and get him to slow down and think through what he needs to so i am not jumping to conclusions. Im trying to decipher and identify what he says clearly. But its always the same kind of things. Whats going on? What are you feeling? Thinking? Hes tired. I feel like hes just not seeing that hes tired of me. My life is hanging by a thread. And its not even a big thick thread. Its like bargain bin Temu thread. I try and give him opportunities to hear me, see me, understand me and where my mind is right now. But you cant make someone want to love you, care about your thoughts and feelings especially when its the person you say you love most in this world. 
Behavior. Actions. Promises. Pledges. 
Vows. All broken when I ask for him to care but he has no intentions of making the effort to stay here. 
I went through this before. 
I had more care, more love move empathy, passion, care and concern only to be left dissected and laid bare as if I was just a specimen. 
The rejection that I am feeling as this continues is destroying me.
I never have wanted to share more of myself with someone. And he acts as if it means nothing. I am trying to tell him this. But... I am not sure why I am still trying. 
I tried to tell him I was reading about trying to recover and repair relationships and they were going over boundaries and expectations. How important it is t9 make sure your expectations and boundaries are clearly understood because it is not a given that the other person understands and therefore cares about what you need and what you will accept and not accept. Now there was a very angry piece of me that spoke to my heart and said He Knows Not To Have Affairs, Physical or Emotional because it has been this way since everything moving gim here, him fucking her, him still talking to and flirting and texting and photos exchanged withall those women when he MOVED here. If 5 years into our relationship he can do this well what the fuck else needs to be said? WHAT ELSE CAN HE SHOW ME? 
And. Everyday. It. Gets. Worse.
I tried. Even after I tried and failed. Then he tried and we failed. I did what I said I dont want to keep doing. I tried to make a peace before bed. But I cried and he fell asleep. I tried telling him this. I did. But he isnt really listening to me. 
He talks about pretty women at work. 
He talks about how ALL the other guys think they are good looking. And all I hear is how all the other guys at Dwyer were oogling girls. And never him. Though his own friend at work told me. So hes still On. Its just another game. He lies. I know he does. Fuck he knows he does. And still I am the one who suffers because I dont want to believe what comes out of his mouth. The other night. We went to Corner Cafe. Not once after I finally found clothes, and put on make up. I tried. But I must not have tried hard enough. Because he didnt say anything remotely about me lookong beautiful which hey I dont blame him because I wouldnt have believed him of he did. But he didnt evem say he liked anything about what I was wearing. 

Im falling apart. And it feels like hes coming at me with the pick axe, jist chipping away anything I was trying so hard to hold onto. 

I have tried to get him to share a journal with me. Or a blog like I tried when we first were together. But he never really cared about how much I loved him and wrote about him to you. Nothing has changed. He still won't take the time. Make the time. To care. To really want to understand me and how I am feeling unfiltered. 
Why do I still try? 
And still I persist. This is my last ... 
Oh look. 
He made a liar out of me. 

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