slow hands

I've struggled a lot with this issue lately. It's funny because it was always something I felt very comfortable with. I have always been a very sexual person. I enjoy pleasuring the people I am with and I very much enjoy someone pleasuring me. 
Most of my partners were extremely open and adaptable. And the ones who were not as experienced like Richard were so very eager to learn. I have to say by far he was the most eager partner. Don't think I ever admitted how fucking hot it was when he would beg to touch and taste me. 
When I got with Dustin, it's not like we weren't good together it was just always what he wanted and how he wanted. Again I cater to it so it's my own fault. 
With Matt, I crave his affection. His touch. To touch him. I enjoy making him feel how much I want and love him. I love to get him wanting and anticipating. But I dont feel his interest or desire to make me feel that. I feel like I'm icky. Or I should just be able to cum on command and be done. Like making me feel good is too hard or complicated and not worth the effort. 
I just feel like I'm broken.
I haven't gotten off with him in well...a while.
I have fake and given up a few times. Because I feel like I'm not worth the time or care it takes. If I feel like he's not into it or doesn't want to then it's literally over for me. I have spe t so much time feeling unwanted and undesired. My body shuts the fuck down. Falling sleep. Ignoring me. Not giving me the love and effort I give to him. It makes me feel like I'm being used. The same way dustin used me. To do everything, to love him, take care of him, be what he needs and wants and survive on the little he gave me. 
Matt says he isn't like that. But he doesn't like sex. He doesn't seem to care about what I desire and need. Every horrible insecurities comes to my mind trying to talk to him about why he doesn't want to touch me. To make me feel good. To love me. I know it's not all about sex. But like the other day. He fingers me. I wanted to be touched but he wasn't trying to make me feel good. It felt like a power trip. I have told him I like to be teased to be wanted. It didn't feel like that. And I lied. I told him I got off. And later after he ignored me when I wanted to be touched I told him and he really didn't care. 
All I can think about is how if I stopped touching him, wanting him, and treated him the same way he treats me...he wouldn't be happy anymore. Maybe he's not happy. Maybe Dustin's right..having a woman do what you want is all it takes to make a guy happy.
I just want to feel the love, the desire and the intimacy of having a partner wanting to make me and my body feel like we are together. How do you make that connection with someone? I never managed to be able to have it with Dustin. It broke my confidence and my heart. I just want to feel like my pleasure is important too. Am I just too much? 
I just don't want to make the same mistakes. I want to make him feel loved and wanted. I want him to want to be with me. To desire me. And want to touch and make.me feel the same towards him. I am trying. I just feel like I am getting this all wrong. 

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