monday hurts

It'd hard to try and be confident. I am trying. I am working on myself. I am doing things to feel better about myself. I am trying to feel the part. I dressed up, did my hair. Even put something sexy on for bed. But I only got a little bit of touching. He said he liked it. And if he hadn't have stayed up then I would be getting love. 
And I just took it. 
Cause what can I say and not look like a bitch? 
What can I do but feel not good enough? 
He told me how he talked to his friend Sarah and all about Ashley and the things that happened.. on messager or whatever. After that last message to me all I know is he doesn't want me to know something. But I dont even try. I don't want him to lie to me right now and I am trying to let him figure out if I am really what he wants  if this is...but while he keeps saying how great i am I keep crying ever single day..
He sent me a meme that said something about a stinky vagina. 
Then told me that it wasn't about me. 
I am so confused. 
I tell him I feel inadequate and wrong. I feel unwanted and undesired. 
I snuggled him and loved on him and just wanted affection back but he was tired. I dont want to feel like this. But I feel like he either doesn't understand how I am feeling or he doesn't want to be honest with me. 
I'm so lost and confused. 
I just keep trying and getting my feelings hurt. 
Im scared and I am hurt. 
I keep trying to just hope that we just need to figure out each other's needs and wants and that he won't forget or not care and that me being understanding about his priorities and what he's not used to will mean he will do the same for me.

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