All my mornings are Mondays stuck in an endless February

To The Man In The Moon  -
Somewhere in my melancholy I started forgetting things. Maybe having just as much to do with my age as my erratic temperament. Forgetting things, misplacing things, losing stuff, ideas, appointments, time. While growing more and more unhappy with all my other shortcomings. I am desperate to repair the broken places inside me, bot physically and emotionally. How? I haven't the slightest clue. When your only goal is to try and be happy, shouldn't it be easier to do. I know that it comes from within just as much as without or around. I can explain it to myself, understand it and still not be able to convince the little piece inside of me that believes no one anymore, especially not myself. 
I am going to try several things and do my best to keep myself open and purposeful. I know that it takes more than just me, some positive thoughts and meditation. I already feel so damn defeated.
Another marriage, another person who was supposed to be my everything, another liar, a cheater, I am so scared that I dont know what love is anymore. 
I know, I know...
Love yourself. Cause you cant ever truly love some one else unless you first love yourself. 
Problem is, who I am now... is not who I used to be. And everything that ever made me special isnt enough for anyone I have ever truly loved to love me. 
I finally am making it to bed before dawn.
Good Night Dad
Love, me 

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