Hard Truths

To The Man In The Moon  -
Listening to: Pieces of Me 
Play list of songs that mark certain points in my life. The soundtrack to my soul. The good the bad and the ugly parts 

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6vBxCbea495u58f0EilapY?si=WGXLSUQQQIW-YdrBetFTqw&pi=norU5UhKSVu6T


Today has been not a good day. I am ill. Its not news to anyone. Its definitely not different than any other times I am not feeling well. Stress, anxiety, cramps, nausea, pain. Good God the pain. And once again any good day or moments are swept away by the anxiety, nausea and pain. I never get answers. I have none to give. Just pain, and tears, more laundry because I have to shower 6 times a day, I cant stay hydrated. This is my life. This is what I have to offer. 
So I guess I get it. Who wants to talk to me when I am like this? When this is what I am. I am not healthy. I am not someone to make plans with. I am not the one to build a life with. Sometimes it feels as if I am already gone. Or more like the decay and rot are already forming. Dying before my mind can even conceive its ending. Who wants to love that? Who wouldn't be looking for something, someone better. And sometimes I wish if this is all I will have, I just want to go quick and fast without all this fucking pain. How do I beg him to love me when there is nothing here to love? 

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