Conversations Never Finished

To The Man In The Moon -

I regret very little in life. I know I have made mistakes, too many to count. I make them and I try my best to move on from them and take only what I learned with me. That being said, it's the things left unsaid that I find myself regretting. 
I put my whole heart and everything I am into my love. No one can say anything different. That being said, I have only found people who say the same and do not do the same. People who want to use me for my love but not return it. 
It used to be a nice feeling to hear what a special person I am. How wonderful my heart is and how selfless and compassionate I am. Now it leaves me with a sinking feeling because I know exactly what that means to people... nothing. Something to be admired and appreciated but nothing anyone wants to reciprocate.
I have spent so long getting hardly anything from my partner that anything I want seems unreasonable. So I settle for less than what I need and want. But now I have this amazing guy, who legit makes me feel like I deserve it all, he makes me believe I can have it all. But. 
Yeah. The first time in God knows how long I felt like I saw the light, I feel things I forgot someone could make me feel and there is this BUT just fucking up my happiness. 
The more I try to make it work, the more I start feeling like I am being played for a fool. And for every conversation we have started about things, there is always more left unsaid. 
Here are the things I can say I believe with certainty from him:
He cares and loves me for who I am. Flaws and all.
He doesn't want to hurt me, and will omit as much as possible to keep me from being upset.
I can make him happy.
Here's some of the things I still don't know
What he wants and what his plans and intentions are
Whether his indecisiveness is about me or us or if there are other factors I dont yet understand 
Why the man won't straight up answer questions. Lol I mean knowing how insecure I am he evades and teases and makes comments that break my heart because it feeds my fear that he doesn't really love me or ever intend on being with me. 

There is this piece of me that feels like I am willing to do anything for this man, and he would say me too but then back out or not show up for me. I know that part of that comes from the neglect and treatment I had gotten used to, but its that part that's left unsaid... the I love you but that hangs in the air, that makes me feel like no matter what beautiful words he uses will I ever be able to count on him to be here? 

For all the wonderful love I have to give, no one is able to do that for me. Just be here. 
💔

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