Years gone by

Starting again. It’s an attempt to get the crazy out.

Man In The Moon,

I am still trying to find you, even when it’s just a piece of you. At this point I will take whatever I can find. Everyday feels like a battle, with my illness, with my body, with my mind, my husband, Liam’s school, the world outside and in. It’s a constant struggle and when I seek relief or refuge, it always feels like I am running away and hiding instead of facing it all and fighting every second. 

I love my friends but we are all in the fight and sometimes it’s hard to help them fight theirs or them help you with yours because there is too much coming at us from too many angles. None of us a accomplished enough jugglers to keep everyone’s balls in the air. So we struggle to stay strong together with so much dragging us apart.  So who do you turn to? I turn to myself again it appears. I turn to my Man In The Moon. To someone who cannot supply the love, the support, the advice or the hug. 

I am lonely moon and I am so very tired. I am fighting and failing at every turn. But still , here I am still trying to make some thing  or one better. To be someone’s piece of comfort and home. I want to be the light in someone’s dark room. The light I so desperately need. 

I had no dreams of grandeur. No plans of ruling the world. So where or what I am is less important as who I am helping enjoy life while I am here. I created the most precious treasure, Liam. I pray everyday for more to spend with him. The love of my life has been that sweet soft hearted boy. I hope he knows love, happiness , strength and the courage I have been trying to find my whole life. 

I had another scare with my blood sugar this morning and sometimes the reality that any day could be it is overwhelming. All the moments I won’t get,  all the time I won’t get. The things you just wished for just one moment to have and to see and never getting. That kiss, that touch, that hug you won’t ever get again.

With the world in chaos around us and our world feeling like it’s coming down, it gets hard to remember to enjoy the view. I am trying to embrace the important things and let the rest go. We all deserve a little peace right now. So I’ll try to find it in letting my crazy out and keep trying to love as fiercely and and purely as I can. 

Goodnight World

Goodnight Moon 💋

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