To The Man In The Moon -

Writing more for myself and to get some things off my chest.
I'm tired. I'm tired of waiting to feel better. Tired of doubting myself and how I feel. I don't expect anything to be perfect. Fuck I don't even know what perfect is. I'm tired of wanting. Wanting to feel better, and to be better. Every feeling and thought I am fighting myself. Wanting help or a break feels selfish or like I am trying to be a martyr. But I dont want sympathy I want effort and reciprocation. Why does that feel like I'm asking for too much?
Something he said to me a lot lately...
He can't be cute? He can't top me. What does that mean? 
I try my God damn hardest to consider everyone and their feelings and I feel like I am constantly told and shown that consideration and reciprocal effort is too much.
By loving him and everyone am I hurting myself? 
Am I overly caring? Do I love too much? 
I dont know what to do. If I stop being affectionate and loving the way I know how then I feel like I am being mean. But really if I show people and treat people the way they treated me would my relationships fall completely apart. Cause fuck..it really feels that way. 
I hate feeling g like people only care about what you can do for them but it feels that way sometimes. 

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